Compatibility vs Chemistry

                                         

How to know that you are compatible with someone?

Chemistry and compatibility is two different things. Most of the time, we confuse ourselves with this two aspects due to media influence (songs we listen to and movies we watch) and the thoughts in our heads. Some couples

Compatibility is a daily commitment to making something work. You have the willingness to make things work once you feel its right. You share the same commitment level as your partner. In compatibility, the more energy you contribute, the more energy you gain. Compatibility is related to lifestyle, goals, values and the overall vision of a relationship. Unlike chemistry, chemistry is more of a reaction. Like when you meet someone for the first time, there’s a spark. Maybe you have a common interest or like the same thing. That doesn’t always mean you’ve found the right person to be with. Chemistry doesn’t last long as it is only a matter of temporary reaction. It is good to have chemistry but sadly it is not always permanent. And another thing about chemistry is that you don’t necessarily need to get them with the ones you love, you can even feel chemistry with random people. Compatibility on the other hand, is something you can build. Compatibility without chemistry results to a dry and passionless relationship and chemistry without compatibility results to a short term relationship. You need both in a relationship and you need to ensure they are in the right measure.Whether you are already in a relationship or entering into one, you can still measure your relationship. So we’ll look into 4 quadrants.

 

Q1  Low Chemistry                   Low Compatibility	Q3 Low Chemistry  High Compatibility
Q2 High Chemistry  Low Compatibility	Q4 High Chemistry  High Compatibility

Q1- This type of relationship not only lacks in intimacy but also experience lack in basic
        conversation. Such relationship doesn’t really have the tendency to last long.

Q2- In this type of relationship, you tend to feel everything is right and perfect but at the same
       type you have the feeling that something is not right. When you meet that person, you
       instantly feel connected, you feel a spark or a new energy but once you get to know them, it
       isn’t the same feeling anymore. You realize they don’t have the qualities or characteristics of
       a person you want to spend time with.

Q3- Without chemistry, relationships might sound boring. The relationship is mostly based on
        discussion on daily things like what you’re going to eat, where you’re going to go or what
        you’re going to watch. You don’t feel the fun in the relationship.

Q4- Of course, this is the type of relationship we want to experience and own. Where everything
        is balanced between intimacy and practicality.  

Of all 4 quadrants, the 2^nd and 3^rd ones can be elevated. If you have low compatibility in your relationship, you can work it out and the same goes to low chemistry. The trick is both must be willing to contribute and make things work.

So, how to know if you are compatible? Here’s 3 ways you can use.

 

1)      1) Communication & style

A study showed that people with the same writing and communicating style last longer in a relationship. But it doesn’t always have to be the same writing and all. It can also be the way you communicate. Like, when there is a conflict, do you speak in the same style? Do you discuss and view the situation in the same manner? For instance, during an argument, person A wants to discuss while person B remains quiet and tries processing the situation. The situation here is that both want to resolve the issue they face. This type of relationship shows that they are able to withstand any kind of conflict and arguments. Another mistake we often make is that we expect our partners to be as per our liking. We want them to be everything like they must be the most fun person, most outgoing person and the most knowledgeable person. But hey, it doesn’t work that way. You can’t expect one person to be your everything. Don’t put pressure on your partner because you will only get pressure in return.

 

2)    2)  Goals

Being in a relationship, it is okay to have different goals but what needs to similar is where both are standing in the relationship. You can’t expect a relationship to last long if both parties want different things. For instance, person A looks forward to getting married someday or having an own family while person B has no interest in that and just has temporary feelings. Such cases will only result to conflicts. Having similar interest is a plus point but being at a similar phase in life is the utmost important thing. You need to have the same intention. You need to look forward for the same things in life. Relationship is not a one person’s work. It requires two to get the boat moving. It is partnership and not ownership.  Besides that, it also important that you respect and support your partner’s goals and dreams even if they are different from yours. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you always need to have the same passion or hobby. It can be different but if you are at the same phase in life, this wouldn’t be an issue. Your differences will make you stronger because despite being different, both are looking forward for the same thing in a relationship. And you don’t have to sacrifice your personal goals and dreams if you’re on the same page. Compatible partners support each other’s goals and dreams and then work their similar goals which are the relationship they are in.

 

3)    3)  Honesty & comfort in expressing yourself

What is the point of being in a relationship if you can’t fully express yourself? Every time you fail to be honest to your partner, you are actually packing all that in and one fine day it will explode. Sometimes it is we who assume that our partners wouldn’t understand us but when we deal with it the right way it actually works. Here’s an acronym you can use when having an honest conversation with your partner: THINK.

 

T- is it True. Before you say something, check with yourself if it is true or just an opinion. Make what you are saying clear. There is a difference in ‘this is how I feel’ and ‘this is the way it is’. The I stresses on yourself. You acknowledge your true feelings to your partner. Another element you can add is trust. You can’t just trust a person overnight. Trust can be built daily and it can also be broken daily. It is important to work on your trust daily. It is just how to brush your teeth daily to keep them clean. Trust needs to be dealt with everyday.

 

H- is it Helpful? Are you saying something that would help or hurt? Always choose help over hurt in a conversation.

 

I-is it Inspiring. Are you saying something that would make both parties inspire and aspire for a great relationship?  

 

N- is it Necessary? Before you say something, think if it is really necessary or just a petty complain. If you feel something is bothering you that instant and it won’t bother you later on, it is worth bringing it up in a conversation. Don

 

K- is it Kind. Are you saying things with kindness? When you communicate, don’t just throw words that are rude and unkind as it will only make the conversation ugly. Choose the right words and a better way to construct your sentences. Avoid hurting your partner’s feelings because once you do that, you will not be able to communicate effectively. You will communicate for the sake of telling out things and not a way to resolve the issue. It is also important to check if you’re the right person to talk to and have you chosen the right space and time. When it comes to a relationship, it is always best to deal things with each other, avoiding third parties. However, if you have difficulties in expressing yourself then you can have a trustable third person, like a counselor, to help you communicate in the right manner. Choosing the right space and time is also important. You wouldn’t want to solve a conflict after a hectic day at the office right. Choose a time where both are free and at peace. It would be easier to discuss things that way. Choosing a place can help make the environment different. If you’re always at home, try discussing things at a coffee shop or the park. The difference in environment will help to stimulate the way you react and handle the situation.

 

There are many other ways you can enhance your relationship. It is okay if your relationship is nothing like the above scenario. You can still work on it as long both individual have the willingness. Just remember that no relationship is 100% perfect. It takes effort and teamwork to turn into the perfection you desire. Don’t opt for compatibility over chemistry or chemistry over compatibility. You need both to enhance your relationship.